Fear
by Magician Irono
Summary: A resolution is in demand.


Inspired by a fanfiction of the same name. Can't remember the author. This is just a smaller, more mental version of that, I suppose. Enjoy!

Fear

No training, no fighting. Not even an argument about who was right or who was going to get it. Leo observed his brothers from the kitchen as he waited for an old kettle filled with water to boil. Mikey silently fiddled with a game controller as an open wheel race car zipped back and forth on the cathode television screen. Donatello had brought a small project from his lab into the living room to tinker with, most likely making more off an effort to spend some time with his brothers rather than being holed up behind the automatic doors of his lab. The most impressive case was Raph. He wasn't raging at his brothers or the old pinball machine like usual. The turtle just sprawled himself on the couch and thumbed through a magazine, stroking Spike's sleeping head while skimming the material. The evening was as lazy and calm as an undisturbed river- nothing could be wrong in a moment like this.

Nonetheless,_ those_ marks stood out. A red-splotched bandage around Donnie's wrist. The bruises on Michelangelo's right thigh. A particularly nasty gash over Raphael's eye that stretched around his head and under his mask. Leonardo massaged his own strained shoulder muscle, past a few new scratches on the plastron. _I should ice it,_ he thought amongst other things. This was where invasive thoughts found their way into the leader's greymatter. Green corpses, blood, gore, death. A proud Shredder, a heartbroken Sensei. Leo shook his head. The images clung tighter. He sighed and looked for an ice pack in the fridge, settling for some cubes in a plastic baggie. Donnie hissed from his end on the couch and cursed quietly.

He didn't want to be brave. He didn't want to be honorable or stoic either. Perhaps the next question was a call for reassurance, a morbid wonder that needed satisfaction. Not that Leo would admit it.

"What are you guys scared of?"

Raph was the only one who looked up. Donnie glanced for a moment, but focused back on his little project. Mikey was probably listening, even if he was still playing his game, but he didn't show any sign of it.

"I don't mean like the dark or bugs or the Namahage." The kettle gave a shrill whistle, then a calm trickle into a white mug, kicking up the tea bag inside. "I mean serious things. Terrifying things. Things that could get you no matter how strong you are or how hard you try to prevent it."

Donatello was the first to speak up.

"The unknown," he replied unabashedly. "I don't like it when something is unpredictable or doesn't follow a certain formula. A combined with B results in C or causes D- that's predictable. That I can handle. Anything outside of written or implied laws, anything _unplanned_ pretty much, brings so much confusion and helplessness to me. I feel lost more than anything when that happens."

Leo took out a spoon and a packet of honey April had smuggled in from a cafe on the surface. "Doesn't that leave a lot of room as far as things to be scared of," he questioned.

"Absolutely. But I doubt that it's anything that no one has feared before. Death, insignificance, betrayal, etc cetera. Not to mention April. . ."

"Guess that's why you're the nerd," snorted the red-masked brother.

"And I don't deny that."

"Can't argue with that logic." Raphael closed the magazine and scratched under the mask and around the cut over his eye. "I guess what I hate the most is anything that is bigger than I am. Like no matter how much I knock it down it gets back up like nothing happened. It can scare me, but it just mostly pisses me off."

"What about the bugs," smirked Donnie. Leo grinned for a moment himself.

"Donnie. Do you really think those things are natural? That they have that many legs and can move around that fast and get in any nook or cranny without you knowing it?"

". . . You remember what we are, right?"

"Yeah. There's a difference. We're cool freaks. So cool that we are pretty much copied. They're just. . . freaks." Raph shuddered and sat up, cradling Spike in one arm. "What about you, Mikey? You've been awful quiet over there. You just thinking?"

The car on the screen swerved back and forth. Mikey didn't turn around.

"Mikey?"

The youngest turtle leaned to his left.

"MIKEY!"

"Gah!"

The controller flew out of Michelangelo's hands and the racecar crashed into a mountain side. He gave a hurt glare from over his shoulder and whimpered.

"You're not a little kid," chuckled the red-masked turtle. "C'mon, Leo needs reassurance that it's ok to be scared of stuff. Cough up your answer."

Leonardo's face flushed deep red. "Do not", he protested. "I-It's my job to look out for you guys. And knowing our weaknesses and fears is part of being a team _anyways_."

Mikey returned to his game. The other two brothers gave weary looks to their leader. Don raised an eyebrow muscle. Raph sighed and put his palm to his face. It was getting hot. Leo swallowed. Why were they looking at him like he was stupid?

"Mikey," Raph said. "Tell Leo what scares you."

Said brother was quiet. He paused the game to think. After a few minutes, Michelangelo resumed the game, creating his own balance of focus between the virtual race and supporting his older sibling. "Unhappiness," he replied.

"What?"

"Unhappiness. Like when comic books or pizza for breakfast or your family and friends can't cheer you up. Basically when there isn't a reason to smile anymore and you just totally give up on yourself and life. It's a real drag, especially when you can't do anything about it. I think that's why I like pranks and naming all the baddies we fight- just so the situation is less serious so we can all come away from every battle with a smile instead of trauma like a normal person would suffer from. But some of those guys make jokes out of themselves anyways- they don't need me." The youngest chuckled and danced his his seat after crossing the finish line at first place.

Everyone else had gone silent, wide-eyed. Again, Donnie was the first to add his input. "That has to be the most mature thing I have ever heard out of your mouth, Mikey."

"Same here," agreed Raph. "I'm . . . kinda proud of you."

"Yeah, I know," replied the youngest. "But there are worse things to watch out for. Worst of all," he turned to look over his shoulder and whispered, "the rodents who must not be named!"

". . . And I lost it. So," The former turned to Leo. "Let's review." He flipped over the edge of the couch, still holding Spike, and held up his fist. "The unknown," Raph put up his thumb. "Big, unstoppable forces," put up the second. "And depression," up went the final finger. "What do those all have in common?"

The leader grunted. "I just wanted to know your fears." He sipped from the mug. "You guys know mine already and we need to get ready for patrol."

"Like failing us, Master Splinter, all of New York City and yourself?"

"Not now Mikey," chided the nerd of the group.

"Yes, those." The ice pack was thrown back in the freezer. "But I know everything I need to know now. It's fine. Now let's get going-

"Your fears are an insult to your entire team. You know that, right?"

"Raph, please-" Donatello was about to defend.

"No, I want him to hear this. Leo," the aggressive turtle shook his finger. "Do you honestly think that-"

"No, I don't." The mug was set aside. Leo massaged his temple. "I don't doubt your guys' abilities in battle. But do you honestly think it will stop me from worrying about you? I mean, look what happened last time. Look at your bruises and scratches. I'm not proud of letting that happen no matter what the circumstances."

"Yeah. It's that and not being unconscious, suffering from a shell knocked loose or lost in dimension X."

"Either way, Raph."

"_Guh!_" Raphael stood up and went to the equipment room to collect his sai. "You're impossible, you know that?"

Leo wasn't angry like he usually was in this situation. For once, his brother was in the right, feeling such offense for what the leader feared. A hand covered it's owner's blue mask. A sigh came out. Donatello stood up and walked to his brother, offering a hand on the good shoulder. "He'll cool off after patrol," he said.

"Hope so."

"Aw, don't feel too bad about it, dude." Michelangelo saved his data and shut the game off. "You just take after Master Splinter. I don't think you'd be half the leader you are now if you weren't scared of that. And you're the only one who can handle that stuff so well. But I could have been just as awesome." The youngest strolled off, exhibiting the slightest limp, after Raph to retrieve his own weapons with a smug grin. "Just sayin'."

It was just Donnie and Leo now. The latter put his knuckle to his lips in thought. That same hand shook that same shoulder.

"Hey."

"Hm."

". . . Keep being scared, ok?"

"Tch. Thanks."

"I'm not done." The intellect placed the cup back in his brother's hand and plucked out the tea bag. "They're both right in a way, but I haven't come across a fear that isn't justified or is right-winged good or evil. And that fear is a part of who you are at this point. It makes you responsible and honorable in my opinion. And I would imagine Master Splinter is the same way with some of the same kind of fear."

A pair of blue-masked eyes looked up.

"I can't speak for the others, but for my sake. . . d-don't try to change too much. Please? I don't have a plan for that."

The leader couldn't help but smile some. "Thanks. Means a lot."

Donatello returned the gesture. "That's what brother's are for. Now c'mon. Patrol, remember?"

Many more arguments like this one would ensue, whether for a good reason or for not. And being unable to protect his brothers would be something Leo wouldn't be able to come to terms with for a very long time. Raph would get angry and the other two would offer their comforts. But this was in no way some vicious cycle or inescapable nuisance. The term "brotherly maintenance" would be coined later on, like when Donnie would work himself to exhaustion and needed to be torn away from his lab or when Raph saw it fit to teach the youngest sibling a lesson. It was a small price to be paid for those moments of restoration.

At the very least, Splinter could meditate with a clearer head after listening in on these conversations.

Fin

Comments please? I would appreciate it :)


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